Monday, 4 February 2013

Clawless - The Novel - Excerpt

Here's a little taster of the REAL Clawless Novel!

Get your claws sharpened and ready for the drama, cat fights, hissy fits and all things cat'a'licious!


Lights! Camera! Action!
            It was raining cats and dogs - but mainly cats - outside the MacTartan Manor, family home of the fabulously wealthy late Wee Jock MacTartan. Hed been known in the business world simply as Canny Jock, cat slumlord and designer of breakaway collars and other practical feline fashions before, with the urging of his family, opening the fashion HOUSE OF LE CLAW for cat couture.
            Seated behind the late Jock´s carved zebrawood desk was a black cat of thin fur and sly gold eyes, who appraised the gathering while rustling the papers from his briefcase. Once he locked eyes with the gorgeous widow of Wee Jock, Solange (formerly) du Chat. They exchanged a look.
            High up on top of the bookcase sat Jock´s younger son and right-paw cat, Arfur, mending what looked like a cape. 
            A pile of fabric piled in a chair held the plush and fluffy form of the elder son Clawde, who was doodling designs on a sketch pad.  He was, like his brother, jet black but unlike him had a dash of white down his front.
            Close by hunkered Clawde´s mate, the gorgeous tabby and white Clawdette, who indignantly observed the byplay between Furry Faceon and Solange.
            "We are gathered here for the reading of the will," Lawyer Faceon began. "Here´s the deal. Arfur, nothing changes about your position--you will go on being the cat who is the cats- body while everyone else takes the glory. Clawde, you get the House of Le Claw to share with your brother." And Lawyer Faceon started packing up the papers.
            "What about this house - the other assets and all the money?" Clawdette cried. What about all the money! She realised she was shrieking now and jumped down from the mantelpiece  where she had been sitting to observe all around her.
            "Oh, you can stay here. Other money?" Lawyer Faceon asked. "There´s nothing here about other money .
            Solange fluttered her long lashes at Faceon and asked "What about me? Surely my beloved Wee Jock has left something for me?"
            A lone tear ran down her furry cheek and she dabbed the tear with her purrfectly manicured paw.
            Clawdette stared murderously at Solange. How dare that cheap alley-cat show up today. She had only been married to Wee Jock for what seemed like minutes ... possibly because it was minutes! She had married him on his death-basket.  Surely that couldn´t be legal? Her very beautiful green eyes narrowed as she made a note to herself to check with Lawyer Faceon exactly what the legal position would be. Surely she wouldn´t be entitled to a share of the will? She also decided to have a word with the Clawless Costume Designer as Solange´s gown looked more expensive than hers.
            A clap of thunder crashed overhead.  It echoed the tension in the room. Solange gave a short cry and Clawdette took the chance to say something..
            ´Solange, I recognise that dress. I had one just like it until I gave it to the charity shop!´ She giggled whilst Solange, owner of Le Chat Models - scowled at her.
            Clawdettes tail curled around her and she purred remembering her early morning session with purrsonal trainer, Handsome. Clawde didn´t love her and never had but she had found what she needed in the paws of the gorgeous black and white tom who attended to her every day.
            Purrdita, their handsome Burmese kitten was nearby, licking at a saucer of cream and uncertain as yet what to say.
            Clawdette watched Clawde as he dived into a plate of Fancy Feast, tuna flavour - ´He loves food more than me´ she told herself and shuddered.
            Clawde looked up to see his mate´s reproachful look. "What?" he asked silently. "Of course I love food more than her. She loves food more than me too. What´s the big deal?"  Once every male cat has been on that trip to the vet - they all preferred food to queens.
            Furry Faceon played his cards close to his chest. If Solange played HER cards right there may be a portion of the fortune for her - the part that he already embezzled to help fund his catnip habit!
            Arfur looked down at his beloved wife, Furnella, and squeezed his eyes together. She returned the eye squeeze and leapt nimbly to the top of the bookcase to be with him. Love would keep them together, come what may.
            Clawdette banged her little paw down on the table where she sat en route to her basket.
            ´But wait Furry Faceon ... Cut to the quick. What did the old geezer, er ... our beloved father in law ... leave for his um, widow ...´ She glared at Solange and crossed her paws in the hope he will say ´Nothing´. She gestured to her cheek to Clawde by way of telling him that he had food all over his face. She wondered if he had left any for her.
            Furry Faceon looked blank. "Oh, the widow. Something I imagine--her jewels, that kind of thing. There´s a lot of fine print. I suggest the lady in question visits me at the office and we´ll go into the details of any possible additional bequests." He waggled his upper whiskers suggestively.
            Clawde scratched behind his ear. "Vague kind of will for pops to leave behind. He was usually such a pain about being thorough."
            "Mr Faceon, that sounds like a purrfect idea" Solange purred to Furry Faceon, ignoring Clawde. She turned to Clawdette, flashed a broad smile and elegantly left the room.
As she turned to close the door behind her she surveyed the scene behind her, thinking
            "Ahh enjoy your peace my furry step kittens, it won´t last long"
            Catching Furry´s eye, she winked and blew a quick kiss and closed the door before anyone else could see her.
            Clawdette scowled at Clawde. ´How dare he imply that the alley cat may have been given anything more than a few collars?´
            She made a note to redecorate the house from top to bottom and to have Purrdita wormed.  She sneaked a glance at Furry Faceon and wondered if it was worth  flirting with him? From under her basket she pulled out a hastily scribbled piece of paper and held it high above her head. It said ´Last will and testyment of Wee Jock ...´ Look I have a will. She read ...
            ´I leave NOTHING to that shabby, moth eaten old moggie that I mistakenly married having had one too many grogs!!´
            LOOK! she said hoping that no one will look too closely at what she has in her paw! (or that it is written in her paw writing).
But wait .. what is that mad laughing noise that filled the room as if from over the Rainbow Bridge? 

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 So, our wunderpurr readers, that brings us to the end of todays little nom nom taster!

We hope most utterly sincerely that you've enjoyed it and will spread the word to help save the lives of many kitties that the profits of this novel go to support.

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You can purchase the book from any of the following:
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Thanks from all the Clawless Crew


  1. YAY Our Pops bought a copy and we can hardly wait for its arrival. He reads to us every night. We really hope this helps other kitties!
    Timmy T and Family

  2. Amazing! I will have check out this book. Looks like great, informative information on how to raise kitties. Thanks for the share, hope you have a wonderful week. Love this!
    World of Animals



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